Explosive renteria 4
Tacoby Bellsbury 7
(L)
I sometimes hate this game. The explosive renterias just suck. Plain and simple, we are a bad fantasy baseball team right now. We are a team full of players who are underperforming their potential and staying on the bench for little piddly ass injuries. We have no heart. We suck. We have potential, though, so we better improve.
Last week was tough. We lost by a single RBI, .02 WHIP and somehow managed to tie in Ws with 2. Jose Bautista was sidelined with a “neck injury” he sustained by “sleeping on it wrong.” He only played in one game (but did manage to hit a bomb to win the category for us). Josh Johnson had his first bad start of the season, but he’ll get no criticism from me. He’s dominant. He’s the anchor of our staff that is performing very well.
Our offense is full of vaginas though, starting with Carlos Gonzalez. I’m still waiting, Carlos. Nice week Prince Fielder, you managed to get two hits over the course of the entire week. Dustin Pedroia also gets a big atta boy for his whopping total of 3 hits last week.
Wuertz Case 6
The Lobster 4
(W)
The Lobster just can’t buy a break. He puts a very solid 2.32 ERA and 1.08 WHIP and still loses both categories. Wuertz Case is known for its offense, but it was their pitching that carried them to the victory this week. Tulo is in a pretty bad slump, proving that he is human. Though Kemp only hit .174 last week, his three SBs propelled his swuad to the W in that category, proving that speed does not slump. Wuertz Case reclaimed the lead in the league by a game over Gangsta.
Doc Halladay (Formerly Big Time Timmy Jim) 7
Purple Tigers 5
(W)
The Purple Tigers pitchers had a great week, posting a 1.56 ERA and 1.01 WHIP and only lost two pitching categories (Saves – Charlie’s squad posted 7 of them and K/9). The flip side, though is that they only won a single hitting category (SB – 2. Yep, Charlie’s squad, whatever the team name is, didn’t steal a base last week). But, Doc Halladay continues to roll and has pulled into a 3-way tie for third only 2 games behind Wuertz Case.
Ruppert Mundys 6
Carry on Heyward Son 5
(L)
Congrats to BobbyJ, who picked up his first weekly W of the year. Trambo, buddy, I feel your pain. The week you leave Liriano on the bench, a move I defended, he goes out and tosses a no-hitter. While it sucks that you missed the no-no, I still think you had to sit him last week. He was too dangerous a start. Hindsight being 20/20, though, keeping him in there might very well have changed the outcome of the game. The Mundys lineup is going to explode soon. Pujols can’t stay tepid (he’s not really cold, but he’s not really Albert either) forever and Posey is going to hit again. If they could pick up a pitcher, they could make a move out of the bottom part of this league pretty quickly.
Haveyouseenmywiener 4
Gangsta 7
(W)
As expected, Gangstas has become the biggest shit-talking team in the league. But, I guess when you are just one game out of first place, you get to talk a little shit.
Walter lost steals for the second week in a row, thanks to Hanley Ramirez stealing 4 last week, proving again that speed doesn’t slump. Ramirez is terrible right now. Going into last night’s game, he was hitting under .200 and hit his first HR on Sunday. These are not numbers one wants from a first round pick. Those four bags he got last week, though, were key to a 7-4 victory for the Gangstas.
Walter also got a little frustrated with his squad following the loss. He dumped Vernon Wells, Matsui, Rios, Lyon, McGehee, and Miguel Montero mid week last week.
Honey Badgers 5
Let Timmy Smoke 7
(W)
Mike Aviles didn’t suck for Flynner, but the Honey Badgers still took their first loss of the season, thanks in large part to Derek Jeter hitting his 2 HRs for the season in one week. I’m mostly just kidding about Jeter. He’s getting older and doesn’t have as much power, but he’s much better than he’s been thus far. Getting Grienke back is going to make the Honey Badgers a better team.
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